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Mr. Cricket, Musical Comedian from Dallas, TX

www.PeaceLoveBitch.com

 

 

masquerading through the bowels of the fray

 

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.: MR. CRICKET LYRICS and ALBUM INFO :.
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Could've Been Blue
September 11th, 2004

LIFE IS STUPID... ACCOMPANY IT!

This beautifully retarded collection of silly songs is guaranteed to induce at least one of the following:  chills, chronic cringing, laughter, or sheer dumbfoundedness.  The album, despite sounding like a whisky-bent acid trip, was surprisingly the result of a very sober recording process.  However, that's not to say that drugs and alcohol won't enhance the listening process.  The piano in "Treasons" was (not) played by Mr. Cricket's reluctant friend, Paul O'Brien.  He might have been drunk... who knows?

BONUS FEATURES include:  almost 30 whole minutes of music, outtakes, hidden tracks, the ability to skip songs you don't like, and a clear plastic CD case.

There is no piano in "Treasons".

Track Listing:

 

Bomb The Zombies
Candlelight
Mix/Mix
Tacos
Snap
Treasons
Stupid
Kuntry

 

 

Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
 

 


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Bonus Tracks:

Cosmic Spin
Coo Miagi
Outtakes
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
 
 

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Copyright © 2004 Mr. Cricket Enterprises.  All Rights Reserved
* All songs written, performed, and recorded by Mr. Cricket

 

Bomb The Zombies

the voices on the wire say they saw something scary
but i ain't gonna wait around to find out what it was
stay inside and you'll be fine least that is what they told me
but how can they be so sure if we don't know what it does

arm yourselves
meet me at the park
around sunset
we'll attack when it's daaark!

oh shit!
oh no!
what's that?
i dunno!
could it be?
i can't see!
could it be?
it's right next to me!
i see...
i see that it's a ZOMBIEEEE!

RRRUUUNNN!
don't stay to fight
you won't survive the night
RRRUUNNNN!
run, you fools! ... and don't stop until i say

over the river
through the woods
beyond old pete's farm
down by the sea
across the railroad tracks
there's an airport safe from harm
we'll steal a plane
and with some luck
we'll drive them toward the square
don't worry boys
i've gotta plan
as soon as we get there

we... will...

BOMB THE ZOMBIES... zombies, zombies, zombies
BOMB THE ZOMBIES... zombies, zombies, hey
BOMB THE ZOMBIES... zombies, zombies, zombies
BOMB THE ZOMBIES... zombies, zombies, day

BOMB THE ZOMBIES... zombies, zombies, zombies
BOMB THE ZOMBIES... zombies, zombies, hey
BOMB THE ZOMBIES... zombies, zombies, zombies
BOMB THE ZOMBIES... zombies, zombies, now...

Could've Been Blue

 

Candlelight

night
candlelight
burns in circles on the airline
flight
china white
crawling sideways through the center of a day

soul without purpose
heart made of clay
tears of an angel are dying to cry away

night
candlelight
bathing windows seek the outside
bright
all in white
words careening through the shadows of a play

i am lightning
i don't shine as bright as me
you aren't lightning
you don't cut like a razor-sharp dream

you don't shine as bright as me

as bright as me
as bright as me
as bright as me
shine

night
candlelight
casting shadows on the far side
plight
reunite
masquerading through the bowels of the fray

Could've Been Blue

 

Mix/Mix

mix, mix... part of the mix
mix, mix, mix... he's part of the mix
mix, mix,... part of the mix
mixter cricket's part of the mix

dusty? oh, i know dusty.
he's part of the mix
part of the mix

TEXAS
it's a college hat mix
fire up the truck to get yo jiffy pop fix
(six) sixteen and it's all about the drugs
cowboys shootin' niggas, shootin' wiggas, and the thugs yo
bugs, BUGS... all over my suit
always talkin' smack until yo finest point is moot

satan? oh, i know satan.
he's part of the mix

Could've Been Blue

 

Tacos (Tan De Largo Mundo Cruel)

sounds like someone's gotta hankering for some salsa, burritos, and tacooooos!!

mis miercoles pantalones no es bueno
porque mis miercoles pantalones se arden
mis miercoles pantalones muy feo
porque mis miercoles pantalones son mierda

buonas noches mis pantalones
hola libertad
buonas noches mi seguridad
hola tuercas contraídas

mi señora tiene un extremo grande
ella pasa todo mi dinero
mi señora tiene estómago muy grande
porque ella come muchos burritos

mi señora no me ama
ella me dejó para un burrito
mi señora no me ama
debido a mi Tejas sombrero


... debido a mi Tejas sombrero

TRANSLATION

my wednesday pants are no good
because my wednesday pants are on fire
my wednesday pants are very ugly
because my wednesday pants are shit

goodnight my pants
hello freedom
goodnight my security
hello shrunken nuts

my lady has a big butt
she spends all of my money
my lady has a very big stomach
because she eats many burritos

my lady doesn't love me
she left me for a burrito
my lady doesn't love me
because of my Texas hat

... because of my Texas hat

Could've Been Blue

 

Snap

when knowledge is my cigarette, insurance is the word.
taco, taco sympathy for a dagger front-lick bird.
when whisky are my training wheels, purge insight from the womb.
darkness, darkness suicide for a paper cock tease gloom.


never mind the polyester, love is what you sell
charge me for the tri-semester take you down to hell
concentration, masturbation, silly fucked up world
i'd settle for a hotdog and a bun shaped like a girl

singing i raped god on my answering machine
saying i raped god on my answering machine

did you rape god on my answering machine?
Yes, i raped god on your answering machine!

WE ALL RAPED GOD ON MY ANSWERING MACHINE!!!

Could've Been Blue

 

Treasons

a lifetime of treason ... oooh
died for no reason... oooh

i'm paranoid like sigmund freud... oooh

maybe it's cancer... oooh
roses are blue... oooh

i'm paranoid like sigmund freud... oooh

my life is over... oooh

i'm paranoid like sigmund freud... oooh
we live and die like christmas time... oooh

Could've Been Blue

 

Stupid

welcome to the party
please allow me to abridge
the coke goes on the counter
and the beer goes in the fridge
there's a pool if ya feel like swimming
a guitar to serenade
and once you pound a beer or two
there's a bedroom to get laid

don't think about the consequences when you're here my friend
it's friday, it's a party, and this party never ends

timmy was on acid
johnny was on speed
twibith, paul, and hushpuppy were smoking all the weed

listening to records on the patio at dawn
we did not know the neighbors called the cops till we saw them cross the lawn
it was clear we had been drinking
the keg no longer sinking
though we begged and begged and begged and begged
it was just wishful thinking

my head's going sober
i guess the party's over
but have no fear
don't shed a tear
don't disappear
mr. cricket's here
there's plenty beer
the cops are queer
if we persevere
like a volunteer
celestial sphere
let out a cheer

we just might win

hahahahahahahahahahahahahaaa

Could've Been Blue

 

Kuntry

woke up in the outhouse with a shotgun in my hand
broken whisky bottle cuts my feet as i try to stand
left a trail of bloody footprints on ethyl's clean white rug
she left me for a banjo player/wino gangsta thug

well...

i went to fetch some milk down at dad's old creamery
found them in the mud humpin' like pigs on ecstasy
so i set the barn on fire, hell, i even tipped a cow
then grabbed my trusty pitchfork and chased 'em with the plow

as the rooster sang cock, cock, cock, cock-a-doodle doo
another day in the kunt, kunt, kunt, kuntry
slam another whisky at the side of the road, i know my friggin head's 'bout to explode
oh oh... here's to life in the kuntry

from then on it's kind of blurry cause i was mighty drunk, ya see
but rest assured i killed them both for what they done to me
not a soul around for miles, the authorities ain't gotta clue
yet this song is damning evidence... looks like i'll have to kill you too

i'll have to kill you too!

as the rooster sings cock, cock, cock, cock-a-doodle doo
another day in the kunt, kunt, kunt, kuntry
love lies bleeding at the side of the road, revenge a dish best served a la mode
i know... such is life in the kuntry

Could've Been Blue

 

BONUS TRACKS...

Cosmic Spin

OH NO
everything you know... it isn't real
everything you think... everything you feel
there are no dreams... no in-betweens
you are just a lamb in society
there is no sobriety
you are just a face without a place
... in society

 

Coo Miagi

coo miagi
coo coo miagi
coo miagi
coo coo miagi

coooooo miagi
coooooo miagi

(mostly gibberish)

this time i'm going to do it!

i am a tornado twist
TORNADO TWIST!

Could've Been Blue

 

Texas Hat
October 17th, 2003

UH OH... MR. CRICKET DISCOVERED A DRUM MACHINE!

Recorded in about a week with the help of a few close friends, TEXAS HAT is by far the zaniest Mr. Cricket album to date.  Every track was drunkenly improvised with the exception of "Caress", which was supposed to be a love song, but didn't fit the overall idea of TEXAS HAT... so Mr. Cricket made it perverted and stupid.  Paul O'Brien and Stephen Sharp can be heard screaming in the background of some songs, and Mr. Cricket's dog, Abbey, can be heard barking as well.  Mr. Cricket only produced about 10 copies of this CD, but for the sake of all living things... that's probably best.

Testify!

Track Listing:

 

Nice
Proud
Poot
Sands
Caress
Black
Church
Palangelay
Yawp

 

Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics

 



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Copyright © 2003 Mr. Cricket Enterprises.  All Rights Reserved
* All songs written, performed, and recorded by Mr. Cricket

Nice  (these aren't words... Mr. Cricket's an idiot!)

ewww
ew ewww
ewww
ew ew ewww

rlee
rlee rlee
rlah rlee rlaa rloh

aahhh
aah aahhh

Texas Hat

 

Proud (sarcastic and spoken like a hick)

I like our president because he praise the lord.
I'm proud to be an American because of my Texas Hat.

Texas Hat

 

Poot  (nonsense - porno music style)

YEEEEHAWWW!

Rlee rlee rlee rlee rlee rlee rlee rlee rlee rlee

Show us your pussy
Put your pussy in my face

Give me something more than your treasons
give me all four of your seasons
I have no rhyme, reasons
You are not the (fate pull on the layers?)

reasons, treasons, seasons, reasons, treasons

(andol sol awol uh wana woostoos?)
(angol wangol polly wally oostoos?)

Demons!  The Demons!!

... Testify!

Texas Hat

 

Sands  (inspired by that awful... I mean brilliant Nickelback song)

All the sands aligned with mace
From cold days in this place
Mom and Dad are making meals
From cold days in this place

repeat, but with screaming

Texas Hat

 

Caress  (a love song gone bad)

Connect the dots of my heart
The curving of lines shape the art
Careful where I cum cause it stains
Erase it yet still it remains

Now my world is so bright
Spread your legs into the night
Your eyes, they bring angels to their knees
It's time to fuck oh baby, baby please

Caress the wings of precious things
Fly away
My thoughts conspire... this one desire
Fly away

Feel our love begin to spark
As I thrust and pound you in the dark
If what you're moaning is true
I found the heart of everything in you

Texas Hat

 

Black  (why?)

Black kids
Black kids
Black kids
Black kids

You don't have the right
to take away my life
especially with the knife
you stolen from my wife

friends were calling, but I was falling on me
... on me

Texas Hat

 

Church  (sarcastic and spoken like a hick)

George Bush is my president, therefore I praise the lord.
I go to church.
SUV.
Where are my boots?
Are you listening to me?
Put on your Texas Hat!
Don't let any americans think otherwise.
Praise the lord!
Church.

Texas Hat

 

Palangelay  (fun with bongos)

Listen to me
I want to be free
It's something you'll never see

I cheated on you
with my favorite shoe
at least I had something to do

Texas Hat

 

Yawp  (basically anything that came to mind, sung acapella)

Somebody told me
I was worse than shit
Somebody told me
I don't give a shit

Somebody told me
Life was fucking gay
Somebody told me
I won't go away

ayyyyy

I wait
For my way
oooohhh

so
now
you're
nothing to me
I
think
I wanna pee
on
our
lifetime together


could've been forever
could've been blue

now I hate
hate
hate
hate hate hate hate hate hate you

so now I hate you
now I know that you're not supposed to be
my friend

the end

Texas Hat

 

See (CD Single)
March 28th, 2003

THE PAST IS RUINED!

Thrown together at the last minute before a gig on March 28th, 2003.  "See" was originally written as a serious song for the band Shylocke.  The words were left unchanged because they were ridiculous to begin with.  DJ Duck ("We Are The Ducks") makes the song even worse... if that's possible.  The single also included a remixed version of "Peace, Love, and Bitch".  The only difference between this version and the one found on The Moment is a Masterpiece is that it's significantly louder, and has more silly FX.

See

you know that I have seen it in your eyes
it's something that I know you can't disguise
tell ya that I wish I knew what's wrong
then ya say that you can't carry on this way

tried to tell you it's not easy
but you still gave up the fight
lit a candle in your darkness
but you couldn't see the light

not sure now what I am s'posed to do
I put all the faith I had in you
if only you'd give life another try
you'd see there were no reasons for goodbye

... goodbye

couldn't see the light
couldn't see the light
couldn't see the light... yeah

Copyright © Oh who the fuck cares... if you steal this, the joke's on you, suckuh!

Music Page

 

The Moment Is A Masterpiece
September 27th, 2002

MR. CRICKET IS ONE MESSED UP CRACKA!

Recorded in a state of certain sadness, The Moment is a Masterpiece is probably the most hilariously depressing Mr. Cricket album.  In the span of two weeks (the amount of time it took to record this), Mr. Cricket lost his girlfriend, his dog, his sanity, about 30 DVDs, and eventually lost his apartment due to noise violations from playing records too loud.  The most popular song, however, was not inspired by any of these events.  Fans preferred the story of "Dalpubbins", a fictitious character from the old west, instead.
 

Track Listing:

 

Intro
You Stole My DVDs
I Got Da Blues
Peace, Love, and Bitch
I Need To Take a Shit (acoustic)
Listen Children
Life's Too Short to Sleep
Dalpubbins
The Day You Died
My Friend, The End
You Don't Have The Right
When a Cricket Says Goodnight

 

Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics

 


IUMA

IUMA



IUMA



 

 

IUMA Directions:

Left Click...

File is located on the
Internet Underground
Music Archives.

       
       

MUSIC PAGE

Copyright © 2002 PeaceLoveBitch.com.  All Rights Reserved
* All songs written, performed, and recorded by Mr. Cricket

 

You Stole My DVDs  (based on a true story)

You were there
broken like a heart filled with despair
no one answered your prayer
and I was there
trying hard to overlook the sleaze
of a person... diseased

Till you stole my DVDs

Now you're doomed
to live your life inside this shallow tomb
of unknown feelings and gloom
and things aren't free
and neither is electroshock therapy
you learned the hard way from me

When you stole my DVDs
when you stole my DVDs
you took all i had from me
now look at where I'll be

Now I'm mad
cause you took a thit on all we had
and made me question my friends...

I will never make amends

The Moment is a Masterpiece

 

I Got Da Blues  (woe is Mr. Cricket)

I got holes in my shoes
and i got the suicide blues
and i got an asshole on my face

I got da blues
I got da blues
I got the icky-sticky, wishy-washy, two-timin' blues
i got the wal-mart broken heart constipation
got the east coast burnt toast itchy sensation
and my boss just won't give me a raise

I got stains on my shirt
i stubbed my toe and it hurts
and i got that asshole on my face

I got da blues
I got da blues
I got da pretty shitty lack of witty hair thinnin' blues
i got the giant-sized criticized album review
i got the broken line nasty wine hangover flu
and my boss still won't give me a raise

I GOT DA BLUES!

The Moment is a Masterpiece

 

Peace, Love, and Bitch  (inspired by that song Give Peace a Chance)

Everybody's talkin' bout the government  (the government?)
the mal-adjusted, can't be trusted government  (oh, the government!)
rock the vote to ratify the government  (the government)
and you could change your life today

won't you take my hand
walk with me again
look into my eyes to see the skies
are still blue

everybody's talkin' bout the violence (the violence!)
tryin' hard to censorship the violence (the violence?)
as if TV, videogames, music, and the arts
are the only things to blame for the violence  (the violence)

the stink coming from the kitchen sink
doesn't have to be so bad
just think of all the times we had
when the stink wasn't it the sink

Everybody knows everybody sees
everybody here has some kind of stupid disease
if you don't show then you don't grow
then ya don't know then ya don't get to go to the show
whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

break it down now...

The Moment is a Masterpiece

 

Listen Children  (harmony rocks!)

listen Children while you're sleeping... life will pass you by
all this dreaming... silent screaming... life will pass you by

and i see... what they've taught you to be
you will know... time has forced you to grow

up my children while you're sleeping... life will pass you by
altered vision... no permission... life will pass you by

and i see... what they've taught you to be
you will know... life has forced you to grow

up
grow up
grow up
grow up
forever is not enough
forever is not enough

so my children while you're drifting... life has gone astray
souls were shifting... eyelids lifting... watch them fade away

The Moment is a Masterpiece

 

Life's Too Short To Sleep  (80's song with some old school rappin' wedged in the middle)

come on, twibith
life's too short to sleep
said come on, twibith
life's too short to sleep
time keeps flying... people keep dying
life's too short to sleep
the water keeps flowing... children keep growing
life's too short to sleep

my name is Mr. Cricket and i'm here to say
if you waste your life then you are gay
you'd rather take a thit and make a stupid face
but i got da beats that'll put you in your place

say hey, HEY!  hey, hey, hey
mr. cricket's back to put you in your place
say hey, HEY!, hey, HEY!  hey, hey, hey
can't afford to fuck away another day
say hey, hey, hey, Hey, HEY!
i know what i'm doin' so go away... GO AWAY!

tell it like it is, Mr. Cricket...

ohh... it's sunday morning got my hand in my pants
praying hard for a girl who'd never wanna dance
with a guy like me... coz i'm so lazy
when suddenly some kid starts rappin' to me

sayin'
who are we?  .... we god soldiers!
and what we do? .... we send a message... a message!
said who are we?  ... we god soldiers!
and what we do  ... we send a message... a message!

fuck that shit!
wastin' time on prayer
gotta deal with the fact that god's not there
there's more to life than all you know
so open up your mind and go with the flow!

come on, Twibith...
life's too short to sleep
come on, Paul...
life's to short to sleep
said come on, Mr. Cricket...
life's to short to sleep
come on, Lucy...
life's too short to sleep

what good's a dream that never comes true?
life's too short to sleep
what good's time if it's waiting on you?
LIFE'S TO SHORT TO SLEEP!

The Moment is a Masterpiece

 

Dalpubbins  (campfire story telling)

there was a man... dalpubbins
who rode a mighty steed
a guitar, a blanket, and a pistol
was all dalpubbins would need

Dalpubbins, Dalpubbins, Dalpubbins

his heart was plagued by a demon
Dalmatus was his name
he was sent to destroy Dalpubbins
with nightmares from beyond the grave

Dalpubbins, Dalpubbins, Dalpubbins

one night upon his blanket
dalpubbins had struck a chord
it was time to confront dalmatus
and end his life with a sword

Dalpubbins, Dalpubbins, Dalpubbins

high noon... a fateful duel
one shot dalmatus was done
the story unfolds before you
of how the west was won

The Moment is a Masterpiece

 

The Day You Died  (ELO anyone?)

on the day you died
everybody cried
they cried for you
and all you do... ooh

(instrumental break)

on the day you died
i never said goodbye
goodbye to you
and all you do... ohh

The Moment is a Masterpiece

 

My Friend, The End  (Dedicated to David Jones)

thought you were my friend
'till you said the end
death is only knowing you're gonna die

throw my hands to the sky
on my knees I start to cry
you may be gone, but we're here
carrying on... year to year
clinging to the memory of a loving child in you

we'll remember you
the way you would want us to
the way you could make us smile
let us have those thoughts for a while
and if we could have our way
would you see another day
could you see what we go through
knowing how much we love you

thought you were my friend
'till you said the end
death is only learning how to say goodbye

what good is life without you
remembering all the things we'd do
from throwing cheese... to starting fights
smoking weed and Marlboro Lights
we were strong... now deep inside my heart's where you belong

so the years they fly
and though I never said goodbye
it comforts me to know that I will see you again

life is short... The years rush past
not much time, so make it last
proud to be right here
carrying on year to year
clinging to the memories of that loving child in you

The Moment is a Masterpiece

 

You Don't Have The Right  (rhythmic acoustic bullshit)

you don't have the right
to take away my life
especially with the knife
you've stolen from my wife

friends were falling, but I was calling on me
on me

oh no, no, no you won't catch me
singing 3 part harmony
there are no words to this CD
I'm just a fading melody

friends were flying but I was dying on me
on me

say... say it isn't so
it took so long to grow
now you have to go
and throw it all awayyyy

you were crying but i was dying on me...
on me

The Moment is a Masterpiece

 

When A Cricket Says Goodnight  (broken hearted foolishness)

so this is my life
thought i'd get it right
would you be there if i could close my eyes tonight

i remember when
you'd stay until the end
when all the songs were through
there still was you and me

change
change has come
change will be
you will know
the dreams you've mistaken
you've forsaken for something new
this can't be true
what did i do
to make you sad
and lose all i had

but life was changing life
was changing life when you were 17
i fell in love with you
a sky so blue
and you were everything
life was all i had
was never bad
until the day you said that
you and I were through
for someone new

won't you take my hand
walk with me again
look into my eyes and see the skies
are still blue

what have i to show
when all i had... had to go
i'll never know
what you went through
i never had a chance
i never knew

life was changing life
was changing life when you were 17
love was so brand new
a sky so blue
and you were everything
listen to me cry
and wonder why
we ever said goodbye
take me back again
remember when

so this is my life
thought i'd get it right
but you turned out the light
and said goodnight...

goodnight

The Moment is a Masterpiece

 

 

Beware Dalmatus

THE DAWNING OF DISASTER

The first Mr. Cricket album (on CD anyway)!  Recorded in about 3 weeks with an old casio and a beat-up acoustic guitar...  I never thought I'd play it for more than 3 people, much less promote it on a website.  It's rough, it's ridiculous, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

Track Listing:

 

Bwernt
Boring Day
The Mr. Cricket Rap
I Need To Take a Shit
Where Are You, Twibith?
Kings of the Masquerade
No Balls (I Am Fat)
Plano
Believe
Change
Your Boys
There Were Times
Meat
Reasons
This Fist
Skipping
Roses Never Die
We Are The Ducks
Lightning
The Shelf Mishap

 

Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics
Lyrics

 


IUMA











IUMA





 

 

IUMA Directions:

Left Click...

File is located on the
Internet Underground
Music Archives site!

       
       

MUSIC PAGE

Copyright © 2001 PeaceLoveBitch.com.  All Rights Reserved.
* All songs written, performed, and recorded by Mr. Cricket.

 

Boring Day (religious satire - barbershop style)

oh my god!
oh my god!
oh my god!

oh how I love you, god.
oh how I love you, god.
oh how I love you, god.

this is a boring day
boring day
a boring day
this is a boring day
boring day
a boring day

just like the day you're wasting away
the hair on your balls is turning to grey
you threaten a mouse while you stink up the house
cause this is just another boring day

singin'
this is a boring day
boring day
a boring day

everybody
this is a boring day

Beware Dalmatus

 

The Mr. Cricket Rap (terribly improvised flow techniques)

my rhyme... can ya dig it?
we're all east coast jammin' here
can ya feel it?

here we go

my name is Mr. Cricket and I'm here to say
if you don't like me then you are gay
you watch me from the stands and you make a stupid face
but I'll know that I better put you in your place

say hey
HEY
hey hey hey
Mr. Cricket's gonna put you in your place!

sayin hey
HEY
hey
HEY
hey hey hey
i know what i'm doin' so go away!
go awayyyyyyy

we're doin' our time because we did a crime
so we're bustin' out alive cause everything is fine
know your role and shut your mouth
cause everyone sounds like a... god damnit (happiness)
i'm better than you so shut up!  (put my fist in your face)

everything's right (it's christmas time)
everything's fine
you know what to do if i'm in your shoe
just kick me out, push me away
i'll come back some other day
and i know my rap is better than the rest
because I'm from the east side
and we know best

let me hear ya say best
better than the rest
say best
better than the rest
say best
better than the rest
(jibberish) is better than the rest so

shut your mouth and put me in your place
because you gotta listen when i'm having a (race?)
you don't know anything cause i'm so cool
i'll be you up cause i know the rules

bauwwl!
bauwwl!

shut up!
shut your face!

i say neln, you say bauwwl
say neln...
neln...
neln...
YOU'RE NOT DOING IT!
LISTEN TO ME... I HAVE THE MICROPHONE!

hey
HEY
that's ok
hey
HEY

i say neln you say... huthit?

Beware Dalmatus

 

I Need to Take a Shit (Mr. Cricket's first melody, but why)

I need to take a shit, but nobody listens
if you close my eyes... I'll shit in your pies
I need to take a shit

I need to take a shit, but nobody gives a shit
if you close my eyes... I'll shit in your disguise
I need to take a shit

but nobody listens to me
cause i am dying here for (some toilet paper) a cool, fresh breeze

I need to take a shit, but nobody listens
if you close my eyes... I'll shit, Shit, SHIT
I need to take a shit
but nobody listens to me

Beware Dalmatus

 

Where Are You, Twibith?  (one chord analog mix - hissss)

where are you, Twibith?
I cannot say
I hope I'll see you later on today

last I saw Twibith
he was at school
he isn't stupid... he knows the rules

where is Dalmatus?
he was here before (he was here before!)
i think I love him... he knows my door

The End
The End
The End
THE END!

Travis is my brother... my brother!
Hushpuppy is my dog... my dog!
you aren't my friend, my friend
but you won't go far

haiiyyaaaaa  ahhh aahh ahhhhhahhh
ewwwhoohoohoohoooo

where is Dalmatus?
where is Dalmatus?
where is Dalmatus?

hoy

Beware Dalmatus

 

No Balls (I am Fat) (a party favorite)

I am fat... imagine that
and i don't know why
guess I had too much pie!
you are gay... and ya don't know why
just happened one day
hit ya right between the eyes!

and ya have no balls
said ya have no balls
I SAID YOU HAAAVE NOOO BAALLS... NOOO  BAAALLS!

t'was the smell of beer that brought the people here
and brought us all good cheer
but it's time for you to go... you're movin' much too slow
cause you are fat... imagine that
and ya smell like poo, and ya sleep in a shoe
cause you are gay

because you HAAAVE NOOO BAALLS... NOOO BAAALLS!

Beware Dalmatus

 

Plano  (ah, the travesty that is)

this is a song about Plano
I suggest you never go there
it is filled with yuppies
lots of teenagers like to die there

Mrs. Jameson
cheerleading cowgirls
lots of alcohol
the ducks in the pond must dieeieeie... DIE!

this is a song about Plano
I suggest you bring more underwear
to replace your last breath
the gates of hell open and you are welcome

Sebastian ska in a tree
little boy's gotta pee
with open eyes you'll never see
the world you knew just...
Mrs. Dilworth
Chinese retards
plastic suntans
all the world must die
mother fucker, mother fucker

I am a song about Plano
I am a song about you and me
love isn't really good here
it's just a drug overdose and a can of beer
fuck you, fuck me, fuck this, fuck that
fuck all that and die and come with MEEEE!

i like the rodeo
i drive a truck
i can afford nice clothes cause of my mommy's credit card
you're daddy bought you a car... fucker

why do we have to live here?

Beware Dalmatus

 

Believe  (I hate this song)

change... change has come
change will be... you will know
I've seen the glory from the mountains across the sea
come with me... take my hand
and we will walk through the fiery hell of damn

change... is all alone
but inside our hearts it will learn to condone
a fucking tree has been planted
and the seeds have been granted
and the fiery passion that burns will burn
inside of me
inside of you

I've never seen so much love
in my life
in my tree
come with me
we could be so fascinated with each other
we could take each others pants off and believe

come with me
come with me
take this chance... BELIEVE!
everybody goes there to watch jesus
our glorious savior bring us life
we all love you, jesus!

now you're not so fair

Beware Dalmatus

 

Change  (canon gone wrong)

this one's for the one who knows that life matters
this one's for the sparrow
this one's gonna die

staring out my window I look across the sea
watching the time (savatage) believe
now it's time for me
to see
to change
to smile

change will come
change will be
you will know the change in me

we all know our way
we all know our way

everybody look out the window
change will come
everybody likes a change
everybody wants us

everybody likes a change

love

Beware Dalmatus

 

Your Boys  (making fun of realtors)

Mike, I think I surprised your boys
they should've woken up, made me breakfast
touched my tits, told me I was pretty
looked me in the eye and fingered my pussy on the day that I showed the house

Your boys
Your boys

we need to talk about the level of indecency
anti-hospitality, lack of curiosity and audacity
and perpetuation of your boys on the day that I showed the house

Your boys
Your boys

Beware Dalmatus

 

There Were Times  (he can't be serious... can he?)

there were times when I felt legible
there were times I felt so blue
but those times when I felt legible
weren't the times I spent with you

left all alone... I was only dying here
left all alone... I was only crying here

there were times when I felt legible
there were times I felt so blue
but those times when I felt legible
weren't the times I spent with you

left all alone... I was only dying here
left all alone... I was only crying here

for some answers to me
... to me

Beware Dalmatus

 

Meat  (heavy metal parody)

MEAT!
MEAT!
MEAT... CHEESE... MEAT... FART!

life's a bitch and then you die
life's a bitch and then you die

Olstabey
Olst Olstabey, Olstabey
Olstabey
Olst Olstabey, Olstabey

Olstadahpaltoltamapatoh

Oy Oy Oy Oy!

life's a bitch and then you die
you're a bitch and then you die

my solo

your spaghetti can die in bitch!

Beware Dalmatus

 

Reasons  (no explanation)

you gave me reasons now I am a pony
this is my reason 'bout Christmas and glory

you were my friend
now this is the end
you've gone astray
watch me die

... reasons?  ... reasons? I am so lonely!
I gave you Christmas and you gave me homework

you were my friend
now this is the end
you've gone astray
watch me die

Beware Dalmatus

 

This Fist  (took absolutely little to no thought)

you see this fist?
what fist?
my fist!

I'll use this fist to fuck you up
I'll beat you down... you'll know what's up

don't make me use it!
you forced me to use it!

aiyyyyyyyyyy

Beware Dalmatus

 

Roses Never Die  (romantic failure)

what if roses never died?
would you have to hide from me?
what if all you say is true?
would you be so blue... in me?

oh, and if i go away
you will always hear me say
you love me

what if roses never bloom?
would you all be doomed... in me?
what if roses never die?
would the tears subside... in me?

oh, and if i go away
you will always hear me say
you love me

roses never die
roses never die
roses never die

clean up this town
clean up this town in me

roses... die
roses... my bitch

oh, and if i go away
you will always hear me say
you love me

I love you because you said
"I'm a rose"

Beware Dalmatus

 

We Are the Ducks  (ducks... rapping)

we are the ducks!
we fight for survival and satan's revival
we are the ducks!
we poop in the pond and sing you a song, yes
we are the ducks!
we like to tell you how we feel
we like to tell you how we feel

we are the ducks!
the water is nice but you pay the price
we are the ducks!
Dalmatus is here so let out a cheer, YAY!

repeat after me
wenk... wenk wenk wenk... wenk wenk
wenk... wenk wenk wenk... wenk wenk
wenk wenk wenk wenk
wenk wenk wenk wenk

we are the ducks!
we are the ducks!
you're not the ducks!

Beware Dalmatus

 

Lightning  (an anti-classic... so to speak)

I am Lightning
I don't shine as bright as me
you aren't lightning
you don't cut like a razor sharp dream
you aren't like me
you don't know within my dreams
you aren't lightning
you don't shine as bright as me

everybody
everybody
everybody
everybody
shine bright
shine bright
shine on days and nights
and let the Dalmatus die (bright)

Beware Dalmatus
Music Page

 


Mr. Cricket, Musical Comedian from Dallas, TX

www.PeaceLoveBitch.com